Day 8

End of Wilmington TEACCH training on PEP-R. It was a half-day training where we went through some social group ideas and had some questions and answers. We also presented everyone in the centre with gifts and the slideshow we did of them which we cut onto a CD. They were so tickled by all the photos and thought bubbles we created for them. After that, they brought us out to lunch at the Dockside which is next to the marina. The weather was great; nice and sunny and we really enjoyed chatting with everyone on any topics other than work. In fact politics was a hot topic at our table. It was a nice farewell, though i wasn't overly affected like some others in the group. Not that i am unfeeling, just that i am quite used to saying "goodbyes". I guess i am rational to a point of being heartless sometimes. Ah well. Only on business trips. :D

Later i drove the rest of my colleagues to the Dollar shop (well, self-explanatory isn't it?) down at Carolina Beach road. It is quite amazing how much everyone else trust me with driving and finding my way around now, so much so that no one really bothers if we were lost (we weren't). I guess having a good spatial and visual memory helps, as well as a certain amount of logical thinking. And to answer the doubts of my 'amusing' colleague, i can only say, i rather it be me getting others lost than trust someone less capable on the job. And that's not to sound cocky. I am just better at this kind of thing than the rest of them on the trip.

Now, if it was shopping though, i would have failed miserably. The rest wanted to go to wal-mart again and i truly, truly have no way of occupying myself there. So while others went around merrily buying tons of things for themselves, all i could do was amuse myself taking senseless pictures around the place. I guess it is only frivolous shopping which i am helpless in because while at the dollar shop, i bought plenty of things for the school, in terms of toys and materials which we would find useful (it is also very cheap there). Already, everyone is sort of looking at me funny, and probably thought i am more 'male' than 'female' in that aspect.

Anyway, think i will rest abit before the rest are ready to go for dinner. I think it is seafood again. Heard that things in chapel hill are more expensive. Hmm maybe that's why all the urgency to shop now. Shrug. It is quite mind-boggling.

Oh ya. All you folks who got shopping list for me? Don't be surprise if i don't get anything. I just realized, with all those toys i just got, my luggage might be a little be full for the moment. Not to mention that next week, we will need some space for books and materials at the next training.

Sorry... :)

View Photos

For he's a jolly good fellow...

Today is the day of my youngest brother's graduation ceremony in Canberra. My whole family is over there now celebrating this happy day for him. I think my parents are probably the happiest of the lot.  As i recall, i wasn't there for my second brother's convocation either because i was still in London at that time. I feel bad not being there especially since both of them have been at mine. What pathetic timing. If it wasn't for this training, i would have taken leave for a couple of days to join all of them. Sigh.

Well done bro.
You made it... finally. *wink*

Day 7

Almost halfway through my trip and i am quite ready to fly home, if for nothing else but my dearest and my friends back home. Perhaps i am older now and becoming more nostalgic or maybe just more mellow and wants to seek some comfort and security in what i know. So much for wanting to be an intrepid explorer when i was younger. Guess i am a homebody at heart no matter how independent i want to be.

Today passed on with a blur and i don't think that there is much for me to write about. I guess it is boring enough just writing about work for the past few days. The only highlight today was joining in the social group with 4 high-functioning pre-schoolers at the centre. Very cute. Reminds me of some of my boys back home. Pity we couldn't take pictures due to confidentiality issues of the children but we understand. Had a late dinner where we order in take out from a grill steak place because we were putting together a slideshow CD for our trainers in memory of our visit here as tomorrow would be our last day for training in Wilmington. It is a rather cute CD full of photos we had taken in the last few days and we also included cutesy little dialogue and thought bubbles. We also wrapped the gifts we bought for them and will present all these to them tomorrow when they bring us out to lunch.

Came back to my room at 10pm dead tired.

Guess i will have to skip the upload of Day 7's photos for another day. Doubt i would put up the link since it is really boring work stuff as usual...

*stretches*

Postscript: Okie... so i uploaded the pictures afterall but only SOME of them

Day 6

A most 'successful' i.e. enjoyable day!

We started today's training with a live assessment of a ASD child at the centre in the morning. It was a wonderful learning experience where the trainer ran us through how she prepared the room for the assessment beforehand (structure! structure! structure!) and then watching her assess the child after that. It was amazing how much clinical skills were needed during the assessment; when to push the child, when to ilicit responses, when to back off, what would motivate the child and how much more can the child accomplish. The whole session took around 2 1/2 hours and after that we break for lunch before returning to score the assessment on the protocol. There were some discussion about some of the scores but in general, the discussion helped tremendously in my understanding of the tool and even how to clinically assess a child. It was great to be able to learn the whole process and see how the 'experts' synthesized all the information and using it for the programming afterwards.

During the discussion about the possible educational programming and goals, again a feeling of tremendous energy which really made me sit up and want to plunge myself right into all the excitement of handling the information we have gathered during the assessment. E and me were so active and excited that i worry afterwards if we have been too forward in our enthusiasium but i think it was okie. The rest of the colleagues were OK too and i think the tension has defused at least for now. It was a tiring session because the discussion was so energetic as we came up with ideas after ideas on what can help the child learn better.

The next fantastic thing which happened was that we had a chance to join a Adult Supper Club which organize an outing once a month for high-functioning  autistic (HFA) adults. It is amazing how independent some of them are; they have jobs, some stayed on their own and even drives a jeep! I am so privileged to have met the 7 men and 1 woman who came today for the dinner and outing to Barnes & Noble (bookstore) at the Mayfaire. I never had a chance to interact with adults with autism before and it is an eye-opening and humbling experience. It is unmistakenable that these adults are odd in some ways and have their little eccentricities but they are so terribly sincere and sweet in the ways they interacted with us. And so giving as well... I never felt so touched in my life and to see the trainers organizing such fun activities and to watch how they interact with the HFA adults were one of the best experiences in my life. It is not only the trainers but the general community is so accepting of people with disabilities! We were at the restuarant and no one gave us funny looks and the waiters treated everyone with respect and such patience and care. We had strangers smiling and offering to help us take photos and it just felt so good and comfortable. It was... just so amazing that words can hardly describe how i feel.

It may be that these HFAs have some problems with social interaction and a degree of handicap in communcation but it didn't really matter because people around them were so understanding. I think everyone enjoyed themselves tremendously so much so that despite most of them having to return back to the clinic (where some parents were waiting to pick them up after the outing), one guy stayed with us and wanted to join us (though he did not express it) after that. He was one of the most shy person in the group but also the most independent. He works a in a newspaper writing sports statistics and drives a car on his own. He is going to finish his undergraduate studies in computers in the local community college and has a GPA of 3.5. He was really sweet and understood all our jokes. He has a great laugh and when we were leaving, he gave us each a hug, something that was so spontaneously and genuine, and so un-like a person with autism. I think i nearly cried.

It was a truly unbelievable day for me. I know it didn't sound like much but i guess you have to know these persons to know how amazing it is. I only hope that singapore could have been as accepting of our children in school to give them a chance to grow up to be like these adults. Perhaps, one day, it will be possible.

28/07/04  10.21pm

View Photos (Work! Work! Work! Perhaps a little play..)

Nights

The nights in Wilmington has been quite calm and cloudless in the last two days. It is a picture of serenity outside my hotel window where everything is still and the moon grazing on the sporodic buildings around here. There are plenty of street lamps but no sign of any traffic, just silent signboards of various fast food in their bright distinct colours that immediately draws your attention.

Peaceful.

Strange. Given the same thing last night, i probably wouldn't have felt that way.
I guess conflict resolution is always nice when the day draws to a close.

Sleep well everyone.

D&D is on the way...

Heard that the posters are up and are quite attention-grabbing all thanks to my beloved for helping with the design and printing it out free for me. I am so glad! I trust the colleagues that i entrusted the job to to do a good job in the best of their abilities. Anyway, i am not worried at all, just abit hard-press for time when i returned to finish the other parts of the programming. Very exciting!! I can imagine i will be like a headless fly for a bit once i return but hey! I don't mind!

A sense of calm

Tonight's discussion was more of a breakthrough!
Finally, the others understood where E and me were coming from though they did not acknowledged that they have changed their minds. We could tell that their views and feedback today has changed greatly. I am not able to go say "I told you so" and i guess i expected that they have totally ignored the fact that these points were what we have been saying all the time.

Anyway, seems like it may be possible to "work as a team" now that our directions are aligned again. All thanks to the trainers for making it so much clearer, not just for us but also for the "misguided" ones!

Domo.. arigato

Thank you for the "domo" mms.. really made my day when i got it halfway through the training. Just want to let you know that everything is okie and that i will be home soon.

Miss me okie?

x

Day 5

Another day of sunshine and blue skies though we could not enjoy much of it because of the training and by the time we were done, we were generally tuckered out. "Causalty" rate amongst us are pretty high with two colleagues down with coughing and one who has a swollen gum due to heaty food and not enough sleep. I am still alright though, seems like my mom's insistence of me taking omega 3 and cod liver capsule every morning helped quite a bit. Even my morning sinus problem seems to have stopped. But nonetheless, i am still pretty tired. Not only physically, but mentally exhausted as well.

I started today pretty subdued and was still quite troubled after what happened yesterday. Didn't sleep very well either, in fact, had a dream of the person who 'attacked' us last evening. Not a happy dream, i tell you. Actually E didn't quite sleep either. Guess what happened really bugged us a great deal. It was apparent we would get no help from the HOD as well. Breakfast was a quiet affair and there was definitely some underlying tension with me and that person. I guess having two opinionated persons on the same trip who don't see eye to eye is a major pain in the ass. Anyway, at the training, on a few occasions when i asked the trainers some questions, she would disagree and distort my questions, which of course i then had to clarify again. It is horrible always trying to prove to others when they keep thinking you are wrong and naive. Thankfully, more often than not, she was the one who got the concepts off tangent. It didn't helped then that she made some snide remarks about how important it is to "work in a team" during lunch to the trainers just as i finished making some clarification on today's training.

My 'amusing' colleague would be please to know that i kept a straight face throughout (i really tried! if i couldn't i will look the other way). It has also occurred to me what the 3 of them were, what i observed, having difficulties understanding the tool, was because they had started using it the wrong way (without guidance) and fomulated some notions (not entirely accurate) of the tool. It was hard trying to undo or disconstruct the platform they have made for themselves and in some ways, they were also not quite aware that the platform was inaccurate, while it was easier for me and E to understand because we are getting the first hand true picture from the expert without preconceive expectations and notions.

The sad thing is, while today's training really made the whole picture clearer for me and E, the others do not quite see it that way and i know we are still going to disagree. However, i am quite tired and doesn't see how i am going to win this battle and 'work as a team' with them. It is also possible that we may have to embark on a different route from them in our different school. I don't know. Hopefully it didn't have to be that way. Perhaps who is right can only be proved in time. Yet, i can feel it in my guts that my impression of the tool cannot really be too far off and there are examples to back it up. Or perhaps it is just that i do not understand THEM and what they really mean...

It is only day 5. I guess there may be still hope.

27/07/04    5.40pm

View Photos (more work photos... mainly example of tasks)

Thank you!

To my 'amusing' colleague:

Thanks for reminding me what i have to do with those people at work. It really helped when you pull me back to reality and what i ought to do realistically, as well as understanding what i am going through...

If i haven't spoken to you online.. i believe i would wake up in the morning still frustrated with not knowing what to do.

At least i know now.

:)

Attacked...

Just came back from dinner after a rather heated discussion with my colleagues from "the other side". I already knew there were some differences in our perception of the assessment tool but what i did not anticipate was that E and me would be 'attacked' the minute we stepped into their room. That's why i don't like some of the people on 'the other side' because while they professed to be 'not personal' about things and have the need to seek clarification, they also immediately make assumptions about us (E and me). The thing is, before we had the discussion, E and me actually shared a little with HOD about how we felt that the immediate needs of the teachers is to understand the developmental milestones of children and inculcating the basic mindset BEFORE we even introduce the tool. Or else, what would happen would be similiar to how training was conducted before which was a dismal failure and looking at how our teacher-colleague is faring despite 'practising' with several children, he still have so much difficulties grasping the rational and concepts to use the tool effectively.

What was shocking after this particular sharing was that when later we moved on to the HOD's room to have the formal discussion, before i could even sit down properly, one of them launch straight into 'what we have to do'. It was apparent that the HOD had shared our 'views' and they have decided to launch right into correcting what was perceived to be 'idealistic' and perhaps 'wrong' views which we have. I never had to defend my stand so hard in my working life before and to have my views devalued just because we have not actively tried out the tool seems to justify their superiority in the matter. Frankly, i don't buy that. In fact, we have a certain advantage in keeping our minds open about this tool while i felt they have lost all objectivity because they are on the platform that this tool is THE way to go. It was also quite apparent that despite their 'practises', none of the experiences helped them today while we went through the test because they weren't able to score the items accurately nor were they well-versed in the developmental levels themselves. In fact, their idea of it needed to be corrected several time during the training when they showed themselves to understand it superficially and even inaccurately (e.g. taking out the items in parts when it should be targetted to be completed in full).

I am close to losing my respect for them because while i acknowledge my lack of experience and is willing to learn, i am not willing to suffer an attack from people who professed to know more when actually they did not know qualitatively more than i do.  It was actually better to start the right way than the wrong way and having to correct yourself out of all the bad habits you formed. THAT is what have to be avoided when we enskill others!

It is very infuriating and despite the discussion coming to a close, nothing is resolved. I am a fairly expressive person but i am also introverted. Hence all this defending is extremely draining for me. Suddenly, i really feel like going home... sigh.

Perhaps things would improve.. but i highly doubt it, especially when it is clear to me that we are not 'valued' on the same platform as others along this trip and is perceived as being idealistic and 'didn't know better'.

I have a sudden urge to kick something or bite someone.

Day 4

Weather has been great today. Lots of sunshine and it actually started to feel like summer. Today we started training at the Wilmington TEACCH Centre, where we will spend the next 4 days before going to Chapel Hill for the next round of training. We arrived at the centre, which was 5 minutes drive from the hotel at 8.45am. After a round of introduction to the staff there and having a bit of chit-chat about ourselves, we started training proper with the introduction of PEP-R, which is the assessment tool we will devote ourselves to for the rest of the week.

A lot of this would probably make no sense to most but i thought for my own clarity, i would just list down some of the things i learnt and have concerns about here. My platform of understanding this tool as a psychologist is definitely quite different from my colleague who is a teacher, and i can appreciate his difficulties. Some of us came with the expectation of using this tool back home while i came with reserved judgement in using this tool. Rather, i wanted to see how this tool is before i decide if it could be implemented effectively. In this way, there began a slight diversion in views amongst the trainees. For them, they need to see, by hook or by crook, how to fit the tool in while, for me, there is not such complusion.

However, the training is very helpful in terms of understanding how to teach a ASD child effectively and the underlying importance for teachers to have an understanding of normal developmental levels for children in the different domains. I feel that the key would be to inculcate a new "mindset" in everyone involve with the child to think of what is developmentally appropriate for each child and when looking through the curriculum, constantly refer back to that RATHER than expecting that a new 'assessment' tool which help in setting educational goals to perform the miracle of doing that for the teachers. If different psychologists already have difficulties having a same platform, i can foresee what problems teachers would have if the  rational and the process of using the tool is not imparted correctly. Since our objective in coming here for training is to think of a better way to help teachers understand and set developmentally appropriate goals, i feel then just solely depending on the PEP-R would hardly meet this objective when what we are missing is really a whole generation of RC teachers who does not even have the fundamentals of understanding appropriate development levels.

Was just discussing it with my boss and another colleague about this and i think i am already having some problems conveying my views to my boss while my colleague who works closely with me agrees with my view. Anyway, we will have to continue the discussion later after we rested a bit. It has been quite tiring though it wouldn't seem like a very long training when we started at 9 and ended at 3.30pm. But it was refreshing and i am glad how much thoughts and ideas this training have brought forth in me after only ONE day of training! The trainers were fantastic and helpful and i really glad to be able to participate in it and give me more clarity in what i do.

Quite exciting actually and all i want to do now is to plunge back into the discussion and forget about dinner.

On a more entertaining note, we found out today that Wilmington gets hurricane fairly often, especially during the months of June till November. Looks like we better keep our ears out for hurricane warnings. Fingers crossed.

26/07/04 5.16pm

View Photos (warning: mostly work related photos)

Early morning and i am missing...

my mm..
my morning black coffee..
the cat..
my bolster (yikes)..
the girls..
the food..
my "sole amusement" colleague..
my car..
my privacy..

sigh

Day 3

Day 3: Wilmington, NC

The weather appeared pretty gloomy this morning. The skies were overcast and it looked like it had rained during the night. Over the breakfast table provided by the hotel(nothing but bread and more bread, different breads... bagel, french toast, raisin, etc etc) the weather information indicated that it would be a week of thunderstorms ahead. Things don't look good weatherwise at least. Personally, i had no agenda for today and yet, i did feel a certain amount of trepidation letting my fellow colleagues plan the the itinerary. Being the CDO (i.e. chief driving officer), my primary duty was to get everyone where they want to go without accident, whose service, i am sure, others have no complains about. We started with Wrightville beach which was across town 15mins drive away because we thought it would be wiser to go there before the 'thunderstorm' hits town. Lucky for us, it never did rain the whole day and the weather remained balmy, even a tad warm during the late afternoon.

Wrightville beach seems like a coastal summer resort for people in NC. There were a lot of motels and private summer cottages along the coast with their own little private launch for motorboats. There were plenty of surfers, though the surf wasn't too fantastic, and families enjoying a bit of sand and sea. Some of the interesting things there were beach toilet stalls without doors (made a friend through the communal *ermm* 'relieving' session) and a doggie poop station (where people can get free poop bag) dedicated to billie holiday and her dog. Charming...

After the beach, we drove to the historic downtown at the riverfront where we walked around and explored some of the little shops. Nothing memorable but there was a WWII battleship anchored across the river which one of my colleague visited (guess shopping isn't quite his thing). Had lunch in one of the darkest cafe i have ever been to (in the bright afternoon). Food here, i realize, tend to be quite salty. I think i would have to ask them to cut back on the salt the next time i order. After lunch, the 4 of the ladies (minus the sole gentleman onboard the battleship) drove off to Westfield Mall at independence drive a short 8 minutes drive away.

At this juncture, i think i ought to state quite clearly that i am not much of a shopper and actually have a mild aversion to wandering around a big mall "shopping" most of the time unless i know that i wanted to buy something. Hence, it was more tedious than pleasurable to follow 3 ladies around a mall for two hours. Actually, it wasn't just the mall... i think there must be something quite wrong with me because i realize i just don't really enjoy being in a group in general and most of the time rather preferred to walk on ahead on my own. Anyway, despite myself, i did ended up getting a shirt for myself (only because it was 50% off and i needed something formal to wear for work) and some stuff for friends. After two hours and covering only 1/4 of the mall, we had to drive back to pick up the gentleman away from his battleship and proceed to wal-mart at market street. By this time, i am tired and bored, and it was pure torture trying to occupy myself for a solid hour while waiting for the rest of them to finish shopping.

Some of the things others bought: toiletries, bath towels, toys, cosmetics, cherries, medication.

Some stuff i can understand but a bottle of hair conditioner just because it is S$3 cheaper here? And 4 bath towels??? What is the rationale? Maybe it is me... but i just cannot understand why would one buy bags of unnecessary items (not small somemore) so early on in the trip and knowing that we have to travel around quite abit. But then, i am not exactly a bargain shopper either.

Dinner was back at the historic downtown again at a little corner bar overlooking the river. Salty clam chower and chicken sandwich. Yawns. Returned back to the hotel by 8pm and helped 3 of the colleagues move from their original room (too small for 3 since there were only 2 small double beds and hardly space for a rollaway bed) to a slightly larger suite with 2 double beds and 1 pull out sofa bed. On top of that, was also trying to fix my HOD's laptop because for some reason, it would not connect to the network using the LAN cable. So much for being the CTO (i.e. chief technical officer) for this trip. I suspect that there is something wrong with the LAN port because the cable worked on my computer. Ah well. At least i get to have the internet in my room which i shared with Eliz.

Finally the end of another day and tomorrow we start training officially. Yippee. Can hardly wait.

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Day 1 & 2

Having free internet access in the hotel probably means i get to update my blog on my 'travels' *ahem ahem* aka business trip daily.

Dats wunderful.

No more having to ink out my thoughts on the ipaq (though useful, is still slower than typing on the keyboard by a mile).

Anyway, here's my life away, thus far, in "brief" *cough cough*...

Day 1: Flight SQ22 from Spore to New York at 12.05pm Changi T2 & Newark, NY

Big boss and Great Big Boss and the two small vice-bosses came to send us off at the airport on friday. I actually wanted to check in my stuff early so that i can go into the transit lounge to get myself some sushi and hang around abit. Unfortunately, with the various bosses around, it meant we have to hang around outside to 'entertain' the folks. Ah well. Managed to board the plan just in time.

Flight, as always, is still too long. Despite it being a direct flight, it is nonetheless still 18hours. The slightly extended leg room and various little improvements, no doubt made the trip slightly more comfortable, but a long-haul flight is still a LONG-haul flight. The so-call bar/lounge on the plane was over-hyped, being nothing more than a standing corridor barely enough for more than 6 people. In fact, numbers were strictly controlled by the stewardess, perhaps fearing that having too many people standing there would crash the plane. In any case, the 'lounge' was only good for the occasional leg-stretching and snack-stealing.

The highlights of the flight were: finally watching hellboy, meeting a cute 22mth old girl who taught us how to do 'yoga' and perhaps, the free-flow tomato juice.

Reached Newark, NY at precisely 6.30pm (NY time) on friday (surreal, all these time-zone thingies). However, it was until almost 1 hour later that we were let off the plane. On top of that, the caterpillar queues and the no-nonsense custom protocols. However, things did proceeded smoothly, though a tad slow. We only managed to clear customs at around 8.25pm, after which, it was a short walk to the marriot hotel across the airport where we would stay during the overnight transit before we flew off to North Carolina the next day. Couple things i wanted to say about the Marriot at Newark Internation airport. The place SUCKS. The people were lifeless and the food was way too salty! That's about it.

The weather in NY was rather miserable. Lots of rain and it felt quite humid. Visibility was also low. It was only in the early morning that we caught sight of the skyscrapers along the horizon.  Took a shuttle to the domestic terminal early saturday morning. More queues but finally get to enjoy a fairly decent breakfast in the food court inside the airport. Still not exactly used to the fact that we have to tip every minute but i think i am getting the hang of it.

Day 2: Raleigh-Durham to Wilmingtonm, North Carolina

Reached Raleigh-Durham, NC at 1pm saturday afternoon. Immediately proceeded to the car rental company to pick the car for the 3hour drive to Wilmington, which was along the coast. We got a jeep cherokee (sp??) which was fairly decent for the price we paid. It was roomy and fitted in all the 7 luggage bags nicely (don't look at me... i didn't over pack). In any case, i drove (no, i am not going to get a speeding ticket here. Not when my HOD is sitting behind me) and managed the whole journey in 2 1/4hr. Unfortunately, it took just that amount of time as well (Hmm give and take a couple of minutes) to find the hotel. It was 16th st then 6th st, then back to market st and finally back to 16th street again. Super long irritating story which i would not like to repeat for the sake of my own sanity. I just have this to say... i will never complain about wilk as my travel partner again.

By the time we settled into the Hampton Inn (medical centre) hotel (would you believe that there are 3 hampton inns in wilmington alone?!), it was already 4.30pm. The hotel is much better than marriot by a long mile, and i am not saying just because there is free internet access! Really! It is just that the service is better, the rooms bigger and the people! They actually smile and go out of their way to make us feel better, even refusing our tip!!! What can i say? Small towns are nice in that way compare to big cities.

Dinner today was unfortunately marred by the fact that we had to wait an hour for a table. There was 5 of us and there wasn't much 'big' tables. In any case, the food was nice but for the waiting? I think i will pass the next time, or call for reservations before hand.

Finally, the end of the day, and the end of this blog entry. I have showered and my head is giddy. Probably still trying to shake off the feeling of being jetlagged. Guess i will try to write something tomorrow. But looking at the town (the size of it) and what limited choice there is to offer here, i think it may be a fairly short post tomorrow.

24/05/04 10.36pm

View Photos

Up, Up and Away!

Ah well...
Hopefully don't crash.

 

Equation

WS + R2C - (Ro + D) x FuAS = E2M

i.e. : Will Smith + Really Cool Robots - (ROmance + Drama) x FUturistic Action Sequence = Entirely Entertaining Movie

Things that makes me go Hmm...

A brand's chicken essence perched precariously on top of the green railing on the road divider...

A left shoe lying forlornly on the extreme right lane of the ECP missing its partner...

A scrawny white man in full athletic gear skiing down thomson road with his roller-blades and two ski pole...

A pensive you looking at me eat "la mian" wondering what is going on in my mind...

Gone with the...

Days whizzed by and I seemed to remember a couple of would-be blog-worthy rants except that they whizzed by pretty quickly as well. I think I have been reduced to just making one-liners for significant events in my life these days because I just cannot give enough time to even put together more thoughts to pen down.
 
Example:
 
"6th year anniversary dinner was great. Thank you!"
 
"Happy to meet babes up for dinner again."
 
"D&D program done!"
 
"Design for poster done! Thanks to him!"
 
"I can't wait for the Vintage-parade themed D&D!"
 
"So tired. So much things to pack for training."
 
"Finally finished packing at 3am last night."
 
"I miss gym. *sulk*"
 
I have been reduced to a think-a-minute bouncing, jumping, smiling, whirring mannequin.
 
Ah well.

  
 

Crazy

It has been a crazy crazy week... weeks even.
Not bad crazy.
Just plain crazy.
The kind of days when you have to be thinking/doing 4 different things every single second.
Every single nanosecond even.
But.
Things are okie.
I ride the waves and had a couple of waves washed over me but it's no big deal.
I am cool with that.
It just that, i really don't have much time for much else.
Not friends.
Not leisure.
Not gym.
Not myself.
Occasionally, Not Him.
But that's okie too.
There would be days like that and we can go kick ass in the real world for a spin and then sink back into each other's comfortable embrace again.
Which would happen in another couple of weeks time i'll imagine.
In the meantime, the surf's a-calling and my butt is itching to get out there and DO something.
Still doing something.
Accomplishing.
Fulfilling.
All i need to do.
Want to do.
Can do.
It's crazy but its hell of a ride.

It's all in the eyes

For you, I hope happiness is here to stay.
It's never too late to start anew.
So I just want to say...
I am really, really happy for you.

*wink at snow*
*hugz*
:)

Zombified

Watched a private screening of Zombie Dog last saturday at P10, though the price was a tad bit steep ($10) but the experience more than made up for it. It is no doubt, one of the most 'interesting' film experience I've ever gone through. To be frank, the film itself, is nothing short of being 'weird' and not what I would call the 'greatest' Singapore film ever made. However the perpetuator aka director himself who was present at the screening, the eccentric oddball Mr Toh, must be the star attraction of this endeavor. We had a couple of run-ins with him for the last couple of years, usually during film festivals and during a period of time when wilk was dabbling with films. I still cannot forget his proposal of getting girls to strip free for him (and willingly) in hotels while he shoot them (with a camera, i hope). I am pleased he actually included that into Zombie Dogs though. I am also constantly amazed at his ability to talk, seemingly forever, without much awareness of his audience usually. As for the film, i find it difficult to draw the line between the 'art' and the 'reality'. Even the metaphor of the Zombie Dog, seemingly so cryptically abstract and coming from the film, honestly earthy and simple. Just like the man, who seemed to live in a reality a notch 'off' from everyone elses' and yet, uncomfortably real and common. I think i came out of the experience a little befuddle, bewildered than perhaps, be-lighted.

Happy...

6th year anniversary, my dear.

Could it be...

... that you have forgotten about friday?

*sniff*

Another wedding...

Over the last weekend,attended the wedding of an old friend whom i have not seen in ages, not since i have graduated anyway. It was initially quite awkward to be in a social situation where you sort of recognize everyone and yet, not that close to anyone. In fact, the person who i was most familiar with at the dinner was probably my ex boyfriend, and perhaps part of the awkwardness also came because i knew these bunch of friends through him. I guess, if we never had a relationship, i wouldn't have known these people (groom included) and most certainly would not have been invited to the wedding. But i had always enjoyed hanging around these lovely people back in the university days and going for guotie and dimsum. So it really was nice to catch up with friends like janet, colin, ryo and ivan again despite not knowing some others all that well.

Anyway, will be looking forward to your house-warming soon, j jie. :)

Brain Drain

I woke up this morning and forgot what is it that i do for a living. Some days, the clarity just isn't there and it is awfully frustrating when i cannot articulate what exactly it is that i am feeling. I am not even sure i am feeling what it is i am feeling. I hate confusion. I hate not-knowing. I hate ambiguity.

I think i need to go back for English classes.

Random thoughts...

... i wonder how is youngest bro's CV coming along...
... too many things to do... too many things to do...
... must go to chinatown to look at posters soon...
... what gifts to buy for those trainers in NC...
... i feel like going to the gym...
... the new psychologist seems promising...
... my new ipaq can surf the web...
... sometimes there is not such thing as good or bad parenting...
... must prepare my 'to-pack' list soon...
... weekend is coming...
... i wonder what mm is doing now...
... i am getting sick of bananas...
... too many things to do... panic panic...
... sometimes parents don't have to be there for you to feel their presence...
... same things with brothers and loved ones...
... i wonder what's going to happen in the next episode of gundamW...
... will talking to someone really help if...
... quite enjoyed spiderman...
... hMmm... muscles...
... stupid cat...
... sigh...

It is the First Day of School and I...

1) went for the visa interview and got my US Visa approved
2) finished my 'housekeeping' stuff at work
3) completed one screening (include talking to parents) and one screening report
4) put and done up a department notice board
5) set up a database for children for external transfer for department
6) complied a list of children due for assessment and divided workload
7) sorted out and filed the materials needed for the training in North Carolina
8) did my time-table for the semester

Hmmm... Not too bad for the first day.

Has it really?

Has it really been that busy? I felt as if i never did have a holiday. Time could be a really strangly flexible thing. It was like an overstretched balloon while i was in melbourne and shrunk inward and whizzed around the minute i went back to work. I guess when you average it all out, every day probably ends up with the same amount.

I am not quite sure what happened over the last 2 weeks.

The miunte i wrote that, i realized that that is not quite true. I do know what had happened, every step of the way, every words spoken at meetings, every tasks i planned to do and accomplished. I just chose not to acknowledge that knowledge on some level. I find that happening to me often. Not quite the ostrich in the sand thing but choosing to pretend to be vague when i know that i am not.

Psychoanalyze. Psychoanalyze. Psychoanalyze.

Bottomline, i am just lazy.
Unless when i choose not to be.
Criteria subjective.

Choice. What a powerful thing to have. Even the illusion of having one is better than none.

I chose to be vague, be lazy, be blur, be silly. Because i chose to be these whenever i want and to whoever i chose, i can retain that little smugness in myself. In my power to exercise that choice. Why do i choose to do it is really inconsequential to anyone else. Why should people waste time in understanding my little quirks? Why should i question myself on whether if i really had any choice to begin with?

Illusion is the next most powerful thing to own. It builds up your self esteem when you have none. It makes you feel good when you believe in the things that make you feel good even though you might be walking around naked instead of your princely robes.

I have a choice.
And it made me feel good.
If no one understand, then i choose to think that i am being delibrately cryptic.

Didn't you know that Illusion can be your friend?

SQ21

I am flying to new york non-stop!
Hurrah!

What's cooking...

Went to a performance art event last night which took place at his studio space.
There were quite a number of people and it was pretty hot.
Not to say that i do not enjoy the performance (involved a cook, a guy tying himself up in knots, a sound artist and what i think is a graffiti vandal), but it was really too hot and stuffy.
After a while, i gave up and sat outside talking to a artist friend who is planning to move to taiwan for the sake of his girl.
Very cute, the way he talked.
Ah...
I smiled to myself.
Anyway, i didn't catch the rest of the performance and wasn't too sure if i understood any of it that i have watched.
However, i am sure if i think a little more about it, i could probably form some intelligent impressions.

Why?

Why last time i can type my blog in chinese and view it later and now i can't?

???

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Memory Lapse

Things are moving... evolving.
The things around me.
The people around me.
Me.
It should feel unsettling but it isn't.
I feel comfortable where i am.
It is nice.

These days, it is harder and harder to recall my past. I wonder if it is a sign of old age. *smiles* I have always been awkward... caught between being painfully shy and having a sneaky need to grab attention whenever i can. Sounds strange now but i guess it explained why most of my peers in school hardly knew of my existence on one hand and yet there were the various "exploits" on stage. I seemed to remember numerous occasions of burying my nose in tons of books in the library, along the corridors and on the bus. Also, wasn't that me, daring one of my friends to crow like a rooster on the bus? As i recall, i did that too, to her and other passengers' amusement. I never stopped to wonder why did i do that. I have a uncanny feeling that friends used to think that i am pretty weird. Perhaps they still do. Oh well, at least i am the provider of much laughter and funny memories (usually of me doing dumb things) whenever we have class reunions.

Mr FuzzBall

I haven't really been in that many relationships (actually, just 3 so far...) but i viewed my relationships with these 3 different guys as rather unique learning experiences. For Mr No. 1 and 2, though i had feelings, attraction and affection (even love at some stage i think) for them, they were never quite Mr Love-Of-My-Life. But Mr No. 3, he is a whole different kettle of fish altogether...

I was watching Adam Sandler's 50 First Dates, a candyfloss sweet romantic movie, on the plane back from Melb when i had this sudden insight that sent quivers down my stomach (well, possibly indigestion... open for interpretation really). You know how girls would watch these romantic movies and lament how sweet the hero is and how their boyfriends would never do what the hero has done (i.e. slay a dragon, trade in his riches, pick out his eyeballs etc)? When i watched 50 First Dates where the hero has to constantly make Ms Love-Of-His-Life (unfortunately Ms Short-Term-Memory-Loss as well) fall in love with him every single day, at the point when most girls would go "aww.. that's so sweet, my boyfriend would never do that for me!", i surprised myself and thought, Mr No. 3 would do that for me.

Yes. I could be delusional but hey, to be able to make a girl feel like that about a guy, he darn well must be doing something right don't you think? I think Mr No. 3 would be the closest thing i have in my whole life to warrant the Love-Of-My-Life title. But I think i will just call him Mr FuzzBall for short 'cos he is so cuddly. *squeal squeal*

*heh heh*
I'm gonna get whack around by a pillow for this blog.
I just know it.

The Da Vinci Code & thereabouts

Finished reading 3 out of 4 of Dan Brown's books and frankly, i did not think too much of them in general. All the hype was not quite justifiable in my opinion. Sure, i was quite entertained by the Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons but i think he has just rather cleverly used interesting 'facts' (authenticated on not is rather debatable) and wrapped it around a rather limpid B-grade murder/triller/mystery fictatious story with unexceptional writing style. I would say that other writers such as Sheldon or Archer has much better writing abilities to draw their readers in with their trillers within the mass-appeal market.

To be fair, I thought Angels & Demons was a rather good effort on the traditional "whodunnit" tale (I didn't quite guess who was the mastermind till 3/4 through the book though it was mainly because with all the hype, my expectations soar and i started thinking "chim") but Da Vinci Code was a letdown and the characters are hardly more than cardboard stereotypes. All the superfluous facts and conspiracy theories, without which, the book would have fallen flat on its face and perhaps remain a inconspicuous paperback on the lower rungs of a bookshelf, most likely smacked in between the likes of Digital fortress and Deception Point.

Dreaming...

Dear friend,

I dreamt that you died last week. No, not from a falling flower pot or a exploding toilet. But how isn't the main point. The main thing is, you passed away before i had a chance to get to know you. I felt really sad for not trying hard enough to find time on my part. Rest assured that i will try to do so now but in the meantime, stay away from window ledges and faulty toilets, okie?

Luv, Alice
P.S. Just so you know, we would have been rather good friends i thought.

Homeward Bound

Finally, after a week of hospitality from dear old bro (yes yes yes! i knew getting him presents would come in useful one day!), i am flying back to singapore later in the day. I bet he is really looking forward to sending me off at the airport too. Ah, like mom said, 'if he treated you dinner at the crown, you'd know its time to leave'. *chuckles* But to be fair, bro has been an exemplary host in the last couple of day and i can't say thank you enough.

It's really cold here today and i think i got all my shopping done. Not that i have much money to spend on shopping except for some of the stuff which other people had asked me to buy for them. Hardly bought anything for myself and i guess i have not thought of this trip as anything but a 'business' trip, so not geared to buying gifts home *hide under covers*. Felt a little bad though about not getting some things for close friends and colleagues but then, i seriously didn't even have a single aussie cent on me when i touched down (well, no time to go exchange money) and it is sort of more like going 'home' than going for a 'trip'. In any case, if anyone needs anything, you all can still sms me in the next... 5 hours or so, or while i am at duty free in the airport. *grins*

Hmm... *excuse mode off*

I really ought to get a couple bags of those nougat thingies for emergency gifts at the airport duty-free shops later.

To be or not to be... contented.

It seems that my life is slowly coming to an uncomfortable standstill filled with... get this.. 'contentment'. Great. I know it is. But what is it about humans to question every good thing that fall onto their laps and view it with suspicion rather than bring out the champagne and crackers in celebration? I think it is the unfortunate effects of "this is too good to be true", "this can't be happening to me" and of course, to avoid the "boy do i feel stupid" aftermath when you find the so-called good thing lying on your lap, turns out to be a real ugly toad. Ok. Perhaps it is only me, the perpetual pessimistic optimist (or was it the other way round again? i forgot).

I am entering a rare sense of stability in my life these days. Work is stable. Family is stable. Relationship is stable. Friendship is stable. Cat and dog are stable. Hell, it would be highly unlikely that nothing is stable. In fact, all the cheering for my good fortune has left me rather hoarse (ooo Horse! geddit? geddit? nahhh... forgeddit...). So what the heck am i complaining about? Nothing really. I am happy. Contented. Blissful. In fact, nothing really bugs me... except perhaps this tiny itsy bitsy nagging voice at the back of my head going "geez, that big rock from the sky should fall about right... now?". I guess, the more good things i have, the more i wonder when the axe is gonna fall because life ain't suppose to be good... not for long anyway.

Sad, eh?

Not that i am taking that little voice very seriously. I still live a fulfilling and interesting life despite it being there. It is just the fact that it is there sometimes boggles my mind. Perhaps i am not accustomed to having good things happening to me. If so, that still doesn't explain why the heck do i feel so surprise when BAD things happen to me. Right? After all, i have been expecting terrible things to happen (most of the time) right? That's me. Miss Hard-to-please.

So where does that leave us? I meant me? Pretty much nothing except a rather contented life with a wiggle of doubt nudged in between one good thing and the next. I can live with that. I always had.

Believe...

When i failed to get my PR extended the first time, i called my parents in China ranting about stupid immigration officers. The first thing my mom asked me was whether i had prayed before i went into the office. Such a loaded question especially when she knew that i don't pray. I would hesitate to say that i don't believe in god because i do have spiritual beliefs, though perhaps unconventional aka non-christian ones. The bone of contention has never been "Is there a god?" but rather, can i believe the people who purported to SPEAK for god. In any case, the little insinuation from dear old mom was right, i DIDN'T pray. In fact i almost never do. I find it hypocritical to pray when i am in need and in other days when i don't, i act as if religion doesn't exist. As with most other such 'religious' instances, i told my mom to pray for me instead because that's something everyone can live with. I have it on my conscience that i did not "ling2 shi2 bao4 fo2 jiao3" (i.e. hugging buddha's foot in the last minute) and my mom can console herself trying to convert her wayward daughter through her faith. Silly perhaps. I guess this little 'ideological principle' is part of my way of sorting out spirituality and religion within my own little world.

I don't know what it is. Perhaps god listened to mom on the second day after she and dad prayed about it. I was plainly feeling indignant that the other two chappies the previous day snubbed me right left and centre, and was quite ready to chew off someone's head. A little part of me was feeling a little bit scared about getting another rejection and facing the prospect of being the only person in the family left out of this whole 'aussie-pr' loop. I guess in my heart i was going "let me meet someone who will at least listen" softly to myself. Does that constitute praying? If so, to whom? I am not sure. Still, the first chap i spoke to on the second day was kind and willing to listen to me. In fact, i did not have to say too much before he automatically renewed my PR on the spot.

When i called mom, that became a reaffirmation of the power of her prayers and god. A miracle, abeittedly a small one but a miracle in her eyes nonetheless. For me... the rational part of me would like to think that i am lucky. Ask me why i steadfastly refused to acknowledge any show of divine interventions in my life and i would not be able to answer you. If god has in mind for me to walk down a path to feeling and acknowledging him, it would not be an easy path. I know that, and i am sure the almighty one knows that too. I don't think i am being stubborn, nor coldly rational. If anything, i am feeling insecure in taking that leap of faith which everyone who believes speak so highly about. I look around me and at some of the practitioners of this 'faith' and i asked myself, is it worth jumping across the chasm and expecting to be lifted with no holds barred when i cannot condone some of the hypocrisy being done in god's name?

It is an argument without resolution for me at this point. If i am to believe... i would not be hypocritical and say that i believe with all my heart when what i am expecting is help when i am in need. Till the day when i feel that i can wholeheartedly believe in god without thinking first of my needs, i guess, dear mom and dad will just have to continue praying for me.

Winter in Melbourne...

... is pretty cold.

It has been a relaxing and restful one week after the rather brain numbing experience of trying to get my PR extended for another 5 years (thankfully i have succeeded after THREE attempts in TWO days *yay me!*). Actually i am surprised i got it all done in 15minutes on the last try. The official word is that it takes AT LEAST two weeks. Ya right. Hrummph. I guess it all depends on who you talk to and how HELPFUL they want to be. Luckily, the last chap i talked to was pretty nice and willing to listen to my rather carefully planned story/excuses on why i was not in Australia in the last 5 years (technically, i have been here for 36 days in total). Well, the first two didn't even want to talk to me *sheesh*! But let bygones be bygones... I got my PR till 2009 and that's all that matters. *evil crackle* Yes yes... terrible i know i am.. but what the heck, i do plan to come here... sooner or later anyway.

So after that harrowing two days, I have been doing nothing except reading books (finished Dan Brown's Angels&Demons and The Da Vinci Code), walking around melb city, visiting various museums and markets and having gastonomical delights courtesy of my brother here. Turkish on sunday. Steak on monday. Mexican on tuesday. Greek on wednesday. And i believe tonight we are having japanese and having dim sum on saturday morning! I will worry about friday night tomorrow. *smirks*

I think Melbourne is beginning to grow on me. It is no longer unfamiliar or foreign and not quite as boring as i thought before. I am confident in driving around and am actually recognizing the roads and landmark. I guess i am feeling like 1/4 of a resident here and not so much of a visitor like the other times i have been here.

Think tomorrow i will drive to Werribee open range safari zoo outside melbourne... but then, i may not. Ah well. It is nice having no agenda and no pressure once in a while though i can't wait to get back to Spore on sunday either.

*stretches*

All in all, a most rejuvenating holiday.

Bounce

I am bouncing from activities to activities... place to place... day to day...

Camp is finally finished.
All the kids have gone home.
All the screaming had ceased.

Packing is finally done.
All the documents necessary.
All the clothes i need.


Within the transit lounge,
I can finally relax
and wait for my adrenaline to recede.

Happy Birthday to...

YOU, NGD!!!!!

26 years old already, so please don't do that funny head dancing movement anymore.
*grins*

Busy Busy BUSY!

I know its school holidays but i am so freaking busy!

To do list:
1) prepare for siblings camp - booklet, certificates, materials etc
2) write essay for australia immigration office to 'beg' them to extend my PR for another 5 years
3) pack my bags for camp!!
4) pack my bags for melbourne!!!!!
5) meet people whom i am suppose to meet

All in one week... Oh, i am sure i have neglected to mention other things too but... well.. i am just to busy to be coherent.

In any case, this is a tough week ahead.

Because:
1) can't log in at home cos' something wrong with tel phone to computer thingy
2) no printer at home to print out the stupid PR 'essay' which means i have to try to do it in school now and today is the last day i will be in school!!!!
3) 3 days 2 night camp from thursday on till saturday
4) flying off to melbourne sunday morning
5) and did i mentioned i have not pack anything yet?!?!?!
6) i can't seem to remember where are all my necessary documents that i need to bring to melb... kind to think about it... WHAT do i need to bring?!

Hmmmmmm..... *deep breath deep breath*

On a nice note, my brother likes his new name card holder i got him for his birthday... and i am watching faye wong's concert tomorrow because someone gave me a free ticket.

Guess i won't be blogging for a bit.
For reasons, see above.

Ok... back to laminating certificates for the camp...

Presents!

My brother secretly bought me a 29" toshiba flatscreen tv the other day which really made my day because the tv in my room has conked out for ages. I am really touched because he told my mom that since he found a job, he really wanted to replace the tv in my room. What can i say? I have really cool and wonderful brothers.

Anyway, thanks bro, for the tv... Hope you like the briefcase i got you. Make sure you use it ok? :)

Just when i thought...

... that all my work was done (and i meant the whole works! assessment reports! goals! progress reports!), more things fell onto my lap that it seemed like a dream when i said "i am free!". In fact, i was also too busy to dream. Well, it was not quite that bad since even 'busy' comes in various ermm... modes. There is the 'torture' mode where you are just so frustrated and bogged down. There is also the 'drone' mode where you just mechanically going through what you need (not want) to do without much feelings. But there is also the 'pleasure' mode where you enjoy pretty much what you are doing despite having a lot of demands placed on you.

Fortunately, this is one of the "pleasurable busy" mode where i was quite busy designing and putting together a booklet for the sibling camp we are having next weekend. Sure, it was rather tedious and time-consuming, and at times, frustrating (especially when just as you got all the format and layout set, new changes came and must be included into it - really messes up the page numbers) but i had tons of fun sourcing for pictures and coming up with the layout. It was also nice that colleagues has also helped with giving me the various things to be included (e.g. stories, jokes etc). I am terribly happy with the final product, just as long as no one tells me now that there will be some drastic changes to it.

Meetings came and go and its hard to believe its already the last week of the semester (where did all the time go?!). I have also been going to the gym regularly (and turning into a jelly fish each time i step out of it) and watched a couple of nice movies (troy and shrek 2). In between i also managed to catch up with some friends from JC and seen a few bollywood stars while dining at mezza9. Pretty up and bouncing week really, though at days (esp gym days), the body is physically unable to match up to the mental bounciness.

Ahhh... *stretches*

More things to do till the camp next week before i fly to melbourne on the 6th and that's the end of this school term. It will be nice to have a break soon.

eye yam wot eye yam

Quiz
created by Polly Snodgrass.

WATER OF AIR. You're aloof, depressed and seasoned. You'd make a good psychologist, executioner, black widow, arsenic poisoner, heretic queen or commentator. You're too witty for your own good. Have to get up early in the morny morn to fool you, as you spot lies a mile away. And WOE TO THOSE who dare attempt such a stupid move. You're Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, when she cuts Michael's head off. You're Anne Robinson, the host of The Weakest Link!

Ho ho ho... would you look at that.. A heretic queen! Cool, always wanted to be a queen.

Realization No. 59

I think i may be too dogmatic in my views regarding movies (or various mass-media).

The rest of the stuff I caught in SIFF'04

Will just cut and paste and edit some of the thoughts i have on the rest of the films i managed to catch before i fell sick. Yes yes, i know i am cheating but heck, its been too long to remember everything. Just try to bear in mind that i was feverish while i was typing to my friend. Especially when sharing about the film "Osama". *groan*

Jesus, you know
Bore the hell out of me. It took supreme effort not to walk out (several other people did actually). I was actually running up to Jade 1 as i was quite late. If i knew the movie would be so boring, i would have taken my time. Actually it wasnt that it was really bad or the premise of the 'story' was terrible, but the camera work was boring (still, unmoving, tripod shots all the way) and though the people had quirky tales to tell (as they confess/pray to Jesus i.e. the camera) it was just too much when it was just so monotonous visually!

The Tulse Luper suitcases
I quite like tulse luper actually. I have enjoyed the pillow book and peter greenaway has always been an interesting film maker, though i thought that the moab story is slightly over done despite the wonderful editing, stylishness, theatrics and altogether unique viewing experience. I don't think anyone can walk away from a greenaway film without having one thing or the other to say about it, be it hating it or loving it. I happened to love it because i enjoy watching things that require some "thinking" and i love how he make us think round and round over the characters and storyline (if any), as well as push the envelope of film making. It sure beats any sort of linear point to point predictable movies.

Young Adam
The second movie on saturday which i watched and thought was quite good. The storyline was simple but not exactly what i would call predictable. Very subtle acting and realistic ending (for me at least).

Osama
It might sound terribly cynical and hard-hearted but i didn't really enjoy the movie that much. I guess pretty much for the same reason i did not like Tibet: cry of snow lion nor Iranian films in general. That is not to say that i do not sympathize or feel sad for the woman under taliban regime or tibetians oppressed by the chinese govt or poor little iranian children because i do! Just that, i cringe involuntarily whenever i see romanticised "real-events" disguised as a movie-docu-drama etc etc.By that i meant making something obvious tragic, sad, real into something 'beautiful' that deliberate aims at making everyone goes "awwww". Maybe i have a very clear line between reality and fiction, by golly if it is going to be a harsh reality, people would be sympathetic without the rather obvious cliches and metaphors. I think reality speaks for itself. To attempt to beautify and romanticising it is to belittle the truth, IMO (not thinking straight enough, ask me another day what i meant by romanticising cos Wilkie and I disagreed on using this term initially). Same goes for iranian films with cutesy children.

Incidentally, did you find all those close-ups of the girl staring into the camera bearing such striking resemblence to the famous "the afghan girl" photo on times?

Faster than a speeding bullet...

And my folks are gone again, this time bringing my brother along for a short holiday. This happen a few times a year, and there are times either because i was busy at work or they may be off to Msia, the only time i would see them would be when i pick them up at the airport or dropping them off. Oh, and the traditional family dinner whenever both of them are back.

It is slightly better if only my mom comes home because she would be slightly less mobile (only slightly since she is quite proficient with taking buses and cabs) without my dad as her driver. She also has no need to disappear for a couple of days to Msia since she only accompanies my dad if he is there for business (of course she does spend some time visiting her erm, favourite cosmetic doctor for various treatments).

So if only mom is home, i would get a nice dinner everyday (not to mention automatic stocking up of the fridge with various meats/veggie, excluding the 'loot' she brings with her back from china) and herbal soups and tons of other "remedies" for various aches & pains. She is not unlike a visiting chinese 'sinseh' prescibing different concortions for me and him, though she has also branched out to endosing various western vitamins. Very nice and very pampered.

Ah well.

Back to being independent and boiled broccoli/carrots again.

No pain No gain

The last gym session with the trainer left me aching at all the targetted areas which we worked on, namely, my arms, my back, my inner thighs and my butt. The trainer said, it would only get better... I sure hope so. Ah well... the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. No doubt a painful step in the beginning, but at least i feel like i am getting somewhere.

Think will do some stretches to ease the aching.

I thought i saw mickey...

There was a mouse (or perhaps more rightly, a rat) running around my house on saturday night. It broke a vase that my housemates in london gave me for my birthday, which i had kept in the kitchen while it was scurrying around. It also ate 4 of my mom's japanese sweet potatos left in the kitchen counter and defecated all over the place (must be the sweet potatos). Now i am a little concerned about its whereabouts (we couldn't find it anywhere after rammaging through the kitchen) because there were some tell-tale little stinky rat-poo in the first floor guestroom next to the kitchen.

Ok. Make that very worried and concerned.

That little bugger must be pretty smart because it totally ignored the rat poison we left around the kitchen. I think i am going to buy some mouse trap and dried cuttlefish (which would attract the rat, theoretically, because of the strong smell)in my bid to capture mickey-on-the-loose.

Realization No. 58

Contentment can come in various ways.

Quiz

Just because i have some time and wanted to answer some questions (thanks to lainey ;)):

If I were a month I would be: March
If I were a day of the week I would be: Saturday
If I were a time of day I would be: 11.55pm
If I were a planet I would be: Neptune
If I were a sea animal I would be: Dolphin
If I were a direction I would be: Arrow going in a spiral outwards
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: Bed
If I were a sin I would be: Sloth
If I were a historical figure I would be: hardly famous and buried in history books
If I were a liquid I would be: Soybean milk
If I were a stone, I would be: at the bottom of the fish tank
If I were a bird, I would be: bluejay
If I were a tool, I would be: sledgehammer
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: those one blob-like round cactus
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: cloudy with blustering winds
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: cello
If I were an animal, I would be: cat
If I were a color, I would be: sky blue
If I were an emotion, I would be: pensive
If I were a vegetable, I would be: brocoli
If I were a sound, I would be: a low humming
If I were an element, I would be: helium
If I were a car, I would be: open top convertible
If I were a song, I would be: The muppet show theme song
If I were a book, I would be written by: Umberto Eco
If I were a food, I would be: sushi
If I were a place, I would be: home
If I were a material, I would be: cotton
If I were a taste, I would be: sweet&sour
If I were a scent, I would be: babies after they showered
If I were a word, I would be: daydreaming
If I were an object, I would be: bolster
If I were a body part I would be: skin
If I were a facial expression I would be: perplexed
If I were a subject in school I would be: literature
If I were a cartoon character I would be: bucky the cat
If I were a shape I would be: round
If I were a number I would be: 22

Homecoming...

Mom and dad AND good old brother NGD are back in Singapore during the last weekend. It was nice to celebrate mother's day together and sample all my mom's lovely dishes. It has been a long while since we got her flowers and cake for the occasion too after the folks relocated to China. Pity my youngest bro (GD) have to mind the store and can't be back.

Anyway, barely after they came back, off they go again, though it is to KL this time round. Took the car with them too so here i am suffering from rather terrible car sickness being various public transport passenger. Well, its not about taking public transport, just that after being the driver for so long, i tend to get car/bus/mrt sick when i am not in the driver's seat.

Yes.
Terribly pampered, i know.


In case anyone wonder about the strange abbreviations for me and my brothers...

MNGD - that means mega-no-good-doer, which means yours truly
NGD - no-good-doer, which is my second brother, the originator of these abbreviations
GD - no prizes for guessing what that means going by the trend, which is my youngest brother.

Giving it a whirl...

I like how my new blog look more and more.
Its very... spotty!
I think i am easily amused.

Work today was a whirlwind of activities. Some storms are seriously brewing on the horizon and it is quite possible that people would be leaving the organization. I only hoped that it would not be the innocent victims. How terrible it must be that for your first job, you would be subjected to a morally unscrupulous mentor who also have serious conduct issues? Sigh. I think i am way pass my 'work innocence' where i used to think everyone working in my school is nice and morally upright.

On another note, there were also some screw-up with the reports and children's application to another external agency. It is frustrating when the team is not exactly working well together and though i have accomplished what i have to do, everything else may be delayed when other team members screw up on their part. It wouldn't be much of a problem if it was just a matter of meeting deadlines but in this case, the future of the child hang in the balance because of one party's neglect to tabulate the scores appropriately and convey it properly to other team members.

Here we were, running around like mad trying to justify for the child's application to another school because it 'appeared' that he just missed out on the entry criteria when in actually fact, he did meet the criteria when that department in question actually look through the scores carefully again. On top of that, the deadline is this coming friday, so imagine the furor it created at work and here i am trying to meet the parents to conduct the essential interview and tying up the report by tomorrow evening.

Still, it was fortunate that it was discovered early and as long as the child's future would not be hampered, i am quite glad. It is not a big deal to tie up the report with the parents' interview but can you imagine if this was discovered after the deadline? Geez. We have a responsibility towards the child and the parents too you know. Sigh.

Yes. All in all, a tiring day.
Tomorrow would be hectic again i assume.

Hey Fiddle Diddle

Decided to change it back to the old comment thingy because

a) more accessible for others (no need to flip pages since it opens in separate window)
b) people don't have to grapple with being "anonymous"
c) i get to keep all my old comments!!!
d) 1 stone thrown is definitely more grammatical than the 1 stones thrown...

Ah... i am a fiddler, i am.

Hmm...

Hmmm i am fiddling too much again.

Will run with the "in-house" comment thingy for a while though that meant i cannot see the old comments on Yaccs. If not working out well i guess i will change it back.

Hmmm.

Gym nutty

Was going to talk about gym in more details but then work and illness got in the way.

Anyway, the last couple of sessions was really good and i have actually engaged a personal trainer. Yes, the price is not exactly cheap but its something i have considered carefully and feel that would help me in my goals for signing up with a gym in the first place. I mean, i never really really liked exercise (NEVER ever ever) but i can recognize the need for it for health reasons and i do intent to get more fit and ready for next year's ermm "event" (hence more compulsion). So to tackle this problem of "what should you do when you need to get more healthy, build up your stamina and lose weight when you HATE to exercise", i have decided to make exercise more like work.

Yes work.

I think i give up trying to find "FUN" in exercising because it is never fun for me. I have tried so many ways to exercise by going for things that could be fun but it never really last because i don't have the tenacity and "fun" does wear off after a bit. It's really miserable and i am not known as "the one that is allergic to PE" for nothing back in school. So, now, i am going to stop kidding myself by thinking that exercise will be fun and approach it like any piece of work which i have to do. And surprisingly, it worked out better this way. It is a habit to be inculcated and i intend to make it a routine.

When i first join up with a gym, i thought i would be able to manage on my own and it was interesting and "fun" for the start but soon i realized that i have no idea what i should be doing and how i should go about reaching my goals. Hence the personal trainer... someone who will teach me to exercise in the right way (which i have totally no knowledge of after being a bum for all my 28 years) and not hurt myself, and to form a suitable exercise regime for me. I need that external factor, at least for the initial period because, left on my own devices and not knowing what i should be doing, i would give up and lose interest easily. Since exercise is going to be more "work" now (i am not disputing the possibility that it may become fun at a later stage), i intend for it to be at least productive. And thus far, it has been and that's really motivating and encouraging.

Anyway, i am just trying the personal trainer out for 10 sessions to get a feel of things first but so far, i have enjoyed the sessions and actually felt like i am doing something productive with my gym time. So much so that even when i am in the gym on my own, an hour passed rather quickly just going through my sets of exercises which was taught. Hopefully once a routine is in place, i would be able to continue on my own without a trainer but we'll see.

I am well!

Been knocked out for a long while because i was sick in between heaps and heaps of reports but i am please to announce that

a) I have recovered! No more wobbly hands and cough!
b) I have finished bulk of my essential reports!

YAY ME!

See, i have been utilizing my blog-less days pretty well. Now i can spend nights catching up on my reading and my sleep. Was doing that while i was sick, but somehow it just doesn't count when you are knocked out by medication and have double vision when you are reading.

In any case, i am glad i am well enough to go out with friends (yes yes, tons of catching up to do), watch movies (so many movies!) and go to the gym!

Actually still have tons of other things to do, like get ready my US visa (for the training in jul-aug) and buy my airtic for Melb in June and prepare some stuff for meeting the Aussie immigration officer on WHY i need to extend my PR.

I wish i have more time but don't we all?

Anyway, i am just happy to be up and going and actually having the energy to do things again.

New Look?

Oh my... what happened to blogger???

It is always a little disconcerting when things changes. I think i prefer predictability and routine. But still, doesn't mean i won't give new things a whizz...

Hmmm.. the new template does look sort of bubblegummy doesn't it?

To-write-list

A few things that i wanted to write about but getting a little dizzy:

1) How much i enjoyed the personal training session at the gym
2) The movies i really enjoyed during the Film Fest (and those i didn't)
3) Why do i always fall seriously ill/injuried around Mar-Apr? (Bronchitis '02, car accident '03, throat infection '04)
4) Work and everything else related
5) Friends and everything else related
6) New insights (which are rapidly forgotten these days)

Okie.
Hands wobbly.
Got to stop.

Am i dying yet?

Illness had taken a turn for the worse. Had fever on and off during the weekend so you can say i was wavering between being totally concuss or totally zonked out. The fever medication and antibiotics made me sleep most of the time. I was also quite breathless, though i didn't give it much thought as i had a block nose as well. But when the breathlessness came each time i took the antibiotics, i became a lot more concerned because i have stopped other medication. It was especially bad this morning when i attempted to go back to work and by 10am, i was panting like a horse and wheezing like a cow (do cow wheeze?). Basically i was turning flushed and hyperventilating because i was breathing so hard trying to catch my breath. Called the doctor who told me to go to the clinic immediately. Anyway, changed my antibiotics to another one as he suspect i may be having some adverse reactions to it (never tried that antibiotics before also) and gave me ventolin to help me breathe better. Only drawback was that it left me with slight tremours in my hands. 2 more days of MC on top of everything.

Anyway, now i have no more voice, slight tremours and occasional breathlessness.

Things could be a lot worse?

Thanks to friends who came by to see me and bring me fruits and herbal tea.
Like i said, i am so fortunate to have friends like you guys. :)

Missed

Missed watching The Missing on saturday too.
Sigh.

Pass it on...

On MC today after getting the bug from him.
Ah well.
Suppose to post some stuff on the films i have watched today.
Perhaps will just cut and paste some from the emails i have sent to a friend with my views thus far.
Just too groggy to think now.
Missed watching Since Otar Left which i heard from him was really one of the most memorable movies we have watched.
Wish i could have gone.
Blast my fever and damn cough.
*sniff*

Another accident after the Nicoll highway collapse.
Sometimes life cant help but struck me as being rather unfortunate.
Yes, many of us are not personally affected but i think most of us are nonetheless concern about what had happened and the missing people.
Hope that the families of the victims will be able to pull through this...

Who says that urbanization is always a good thing?

His students wow the best director for the singapore short films at the silver screen awards just now.
He sounded really happy.
I am really happy too.
*beams*

Oh.
Incidentally, i joined up with a gym during the weekend.
Long agonizing (and expensive) decision but will make the best of it.

The Japanese visitors from the art museam finally left and the last couple of days have been a whirlwind of work and entertainment (dinner, dinner and more dinner). I seldom reached home before midnight and after the shower and winding down, it was just mere hours before i have to be up and working again. Not a good way to spend the last couple of days, especially when work is piling up like nobody's business. I will be dead by next thursday, i promise.

From the previous list of things to do, i have only managed to complete 8 progress&goals reports, 1 assessment report, 1 interview and 1 assessment (new, popped up nowhere unexpectedly). Way way WAY below what i should have completed by this time. I am contemplating skipping a couple of film fest movies over the weekend but i know i wouldn't. Ah. I will manage somehow. Some at least would be done, but how, i cant, for the life of me, imagine right now.

Terribly sleepy for the moment because after Tibet: Cry of the snow Lion last night, i had to wake up at 5 this moment to send the visitors off at changi. Not terribly impressed with the movie, maybe because i fell asleep midway, but it seemed quite lopsided to me. In any case, the film has a specific agenda and it was very clear as to what it was. Anyway, it felt like an over-extended documentary that we would never get to see on Arts Central. That said, i am, however sympathetic towards their cause and cry for democracy.

Other films thus far...

Parasite Dolls: OK anime but unimpressed with the storyline.

The Barbarian Invasions: Touching and funny. But totally not how i expected after reading the sypnosis (perhaps was expecting something less "linear"). Still good movie which will probably come out commercially.

Wheel of Time/Pilgrimage: Came out with tons of things to say about the Dalai Lama. Felt "cheated" for the folks who prostrated 3 years to reach gaya only to hear that most activities have been cancelled. Ironically, a year later, the Dalai Lama performed all the rites in Austria which he couldn't (didn't) in Gaya, India. Ok OK, don't lambast me for being critical. Cry of the snow lion showed off another side of the Dalai Lama and the only thing i will say now is that i am more impressed by his political views/leadership than his religious one.

Other than these thoughts, yours truly is almost certified braindead and will have to go conduct training for teachers in 2 hours time while pretending to be conscious. A mightily near-impossible effort. Wish me luck. Or perhaps, wish the trainees luck. Usually, my tolerance for stupidity falls a couple of notches when i am tired. The teachers got a whiff of that last week when some smartass made a couple of idiotic comments during the session.

Sigh.

Well, at least i am still surviving.

I have not been doing anything but working and working and working.
No time to blog.
No time to read.
No time to go to the movies.
(Film fest don't count because they are starting to feel like work too).
No time to meet friends.
No time to call up friends or sms.
(Damn excuses).
I have no idea where did my time go
except that i am fast running out of them.
Fast running out of energy
and patience.
44 more projected goals and progress reports to go.
4 more assessments report to go.
4 more interviews with parents to go.
I need to go
somewhere
soon.
To go.

You people out there.
Survive well too okie?

I am very very very tired.
So tired that it's hard to express just how tired.
So tired that my sentence will just end...
here.

Looks like there are a couple of rough patches floating in fellow blog realms.
Wish could focus more but...
I got swept along.

Program for FilmFest 04

1) Wheel of time (16/04/04 9:15pm Jade1)
2) Parasite Dolls (17/04/04 4:15pm Prince1)
3) The Barbarian Invasion (18/04/04 2pm Prince1)
4) Tibet: Cry of the Snow Lion (21/04/04 7pm Jade1)
5) The Tulse Luper Suitcases (24/04/04 2pm Prince1)
6) Young Adam (24/04/04 7pm Prince 1)
7) Jesus, You know (25/04/04 7pm Jade1)
8) Osama (29/04/04 7pm Prince 1)
9) Since Otar Left (30/04/04 7pm Prince1)
10) The Missing (01/05/04 2pm Prince1)

Was totally depressed on Good Friday and stayed in bed most of the day.
Well, except for the hour between 1-2 where i attempted to cheer myself up by eating sushi.
Not that it did much good because realized i have forgotten to bring my phone out so couldn't eat my lunch in peace.
Rushed home and zonked out again.
Only after much cajoling from him, managed to drag myself out from bed to make my way to his studio space and go for late dinner.
He has been really patient with me and tried to cheer me up though i have no idea what's bugging me.

Saturday was better.
Spent it at the studio where i completed a still-life and a rough sketch of him working at the table.
Had a short nap inbetween on the woollen ikea rug we bought.
Meet up with gpa, lainey and shan to buy groceries as lainey did us the honours by cooking all of us dinner.
*yum* Thanks lainey!!
Menu: Pasta, grilled veggies, baked rosemary chicken and wasabi cheese (ermm.. it's an acquired taste).

Sunday!
Woke up early to send my colleague off at the airport.
Had a nice leisurely breakfast at east coast park then R&R for the rest of the day.
Mood: Much much better.

I wonder was it me or him who jokingly said that i have predisposition towards Christianity because i got depressed on Good Friday when Christ was crucified and got more cheerful for no reason on Easter Sunday when Christ got resurrected.
Hmm.
I think i am the one who came up with this warped idea
He attributed it to PMS.

Finis, apparent on an earlier page,
With fallen obelisk for colophon
Must this be here repeated?

Death has been ruefully announced
And to die once is death enough,
Be sure, for any life-time.

Must the book end, as you would end it,
With testamentary appendices
And graveyard indices?

But no, I will not lay me down
To let your tearful music mar
The decent mystery of my progress

So now, my solemn ones, leaving the rest unsaid,
Rising in air as on a gander's wing
At a careless comma,

Leaving the Rest Unsaid by Robert Graves

So much things i want to say but didn't.

I am quite tired today.
Very lethargic.
Suffering from inertia.

Randomly selected one of my archives and read through some of my past drivels.
At times feeling ambivalent.
At times, a spark of something i don't want to remember.

I am okie.
Just lethargic.
And very tired.

A very very good girlfriend of mine is having her engagement dinner today with her and her fiance's parents.
All the best girl.
Treasure each other.
Looking forward to giving you angbao on your wedding.

*HUGZ*

If i hear just one more time, when i am asked what i do for a living,

"Wow! Does that mean you can read people's mind?"
or
"Hey, do you know what i am thinking now then?"
or
"Heh heh, are you going to come after me with a chopper in my shower?"

I am going to throw up on his/her lap and excuse myself politely after that.

Repeat after me...
Psy-Cho-Lo-Gist.
Psychologist.
Not Psychic.
Not Psycho.
Psychologist.

I don't read people's mind (like some cheap party trick).
I cannot, for the life of me, fathom what a simple mind (one who cannot differentiate between psychologist and psychic) like yours would be thinking about (i am so tempted to insert something rude here).
AND
I do not have a habit of chopping people up just because they make such duncical remarks (but oh yes, have i ever been tempted).

As to what do i really do as a psychologist... well, i shall leave that to another post when i am slightly more lucid and less livid.

Experience is not letting your cat jump onto your lap with his nails uncut while wearing shorts.
Indulgence is allowing him to do just that despite all the previous experiences of scratched thighs.

The "D" key on the keyboard is feeling a bit funny.
Feeling quite awkward while typing it.
I hope i don't have to get it replaced or something... *frowns*

doh dopey diddle daddle dwindle doopy dope drats!
diddle doo da day
doh doh daddy doo da diddly doo
dum dum daddle dub dub doowah

Yaps.
Funny "D" key.

I love to drive with music blasting on the radio. I am not expert in music and do not have much preference except that they must have a strong and infectious beat (which could be anything like outkast or *gasp* britney). I don't pay much attention to the lyrics and switch from channel to channel (913, 933, 950, 980, 987 etc etc) just to skip anything with too much conversation. In the event of that there's nothing interesting on, i would revert back to my trusty CD collection which varies from 70s chinese oldies to grunge punk wannabes.

I drive like the music that i am listening to. Fast and furious (not to the point of reckless) for fast music and slow and relax (suitable for viewing scenaries) for the slow songs. I guess there are different music to suit different purposes for driving. It was a most horrific time for me when i was driving through Tasmania with virtually no music in the car (didn't bring any CDs and bad reception on the radio). I was feeling extremely frustrated and short-tempered while driving and has a tendency to feel sleepy (i used to be able to drive for 2-3hours if i have music on). It was also very hard to relax without music and i was quite tensed most of the time. In any case, i only started to enjoy my driving holiday once the music came back on.

Realization no. 57:

Friends do come... and go.

I realized that i have not updated my links for the longest time.
Not because i don't want to but rather due to the anal-retentive side side of me which strives to make everyone's nick fit into 4 letters.

Guess i am not employing my mental capacity to good use.

The goal: 10 movies for the filmfest.

The reality: Sounds like a potentially tiring, though admittedly enjoyable time ahead.

Is he 'The One'?
I guess he is 'The One' for as long as the moment last...
and i do intend to make that moment last for eternity.
After all, don't we all just want to believe that at the end of the day, we all gave our best, regardless of outcome?
I shall take it as it comes.
But yes, for now, and hopefully for a long time yet, he shall be 'The One'.

Okie you. Stop laughing okie?
*chuckles*

I think over the past 3 weeks or so, my blog has been peppered with mushy little posts about him.
So here is another one.

Last couple of days i have enjoyed myself going out on "dates" with him. We didn't do anything interesting, just spending time going out, marketing, having dinner, breakfast, drinks and doing normal everyday things, just the two of us. There is an air of contentment all around and it was really nice to hear him say that he enjoyed doing these things with me while out one day having dinner at arab street. We chatted and laughed and occasionally fought (or as he said, agreeing to disagree). And just last night, we didn't really talk as we sat in his studio painting (me doing it badly and him faring quite well) though occasionally he would pop his head over to help me with mine. It was comfortable and a nice end to a long day. I think finally, we are both emotionally equal partners, as we were in many other ways.

I guess that's what i meant about me being able to see myself going home to him everyday for the rest of my life, as naive as that sounds.

Colleagues and close friends had remarked that i can "talk alot". I distinctly remembered hidden mirth of laughter over a dinner with colleagues when i said that i should learn to speak up more. That's a little perplexing because while growing up, my parents had always complained that i am like an oyster, tightlipped all the time. I guess i grew up with the self-image of a rather quiet girl.

As of how i usually deal with interesting paradoxes, i presented this case to him and asked him for his opinion. He carefully said, "I think you are _opinionated_".

Righttttt.... and that means what, i asked him. Then he said something rather interesting.

"I think you only speak alot when you find someone worthwhile to speak to"

Hmm... for some reasons, that sounds remarkably flattering.

The choice between cat and dog.
No contest.
Definitely, a cat.

Despite all the good things that is to be said about having a dog (faithfulness, unfailing attention and love, blah blah blah), those are the exact things which i cannot really deal with in a pet. I wonder if it is my personality to view unerring devotion with trepidation rather than accepting it wholeheartedly. Perhaps i am really a pesismist (or realist?) since i find having something or someone constantly putting you on a pedastal and thinking that you are his everything (source of food, companionship, love etc) very frightening and unreal because, at some point in time, i might not be all those things to that something/one (whatever).

I guess i just can't believe that i would ever live up to that expectation. Hence it is ultimately pressurizing to have a dog, emotionally at least. Now, a cat fits me well because it only demands my attention sometimes and i can live with it dumping me aside whenever it feels like it. I am free to be on my own too whenever i want to without feeling bad not playing with it sometimes. Of course, the basic needs of food and shelter and being a responsible pet owner are all met since that's the bottomline of pet ownership. But if it is the quality of the interaction we are talking about here, then i rather prefer the companionship of a cat than a dog.

Likewise in my relationship, i would much rather have an equal partner (e.g. a cat) than one where i am constantly worshipped (e.g. a dog).

Does that make any sense?

:)

Him: "Your cat is very smart leh."
Me: "huh? Why?"
Him: "He can speak a foreign language."
Me: "What?" *flabbergasted*
Him: "Ya, you don't know meh? He speaks 'Bird' also"
Me: *Blink hard*
Him: *With a straight face* "Ya. I heard him just now"

In case you think that he is totally insane, let me clarify. My cat speaks 'Bird' if you considered 'Bird'-talk constitute of little mew/yelps my cat makes whenever he sits down to do some bird-watching at my balcony door. I am not sure if the birds understood him or vice versa but he looked like he is having fun "communicating".

While listening to "Vincent" being played at the lobby in Esplanade, i have lost connections to the material world for a few minutes. I am sorry to say that for a few minutes, everything else including you was cut off from me and that i was quite happy sinking into that sublimical music. There is just something about live instrumental pieces that gets to me, that holds me in my tracks trancelike while the world revolves around me.

Something new happens everyday...

In the 3 odd years working as a psychologist, i have experienced many "difficulties" and "injuries" while working with the children. I have been kicked, pushed, tripped, thrown things at, spat at, hit and shoved at. Once i even had my wall maimed when a child thrown a table at it and made a big hole in it. But today is the first time i have been *seriously* bitten by one of the older child (i.e. stronger) on my wrist. The last time, a smaller child bit me on my thigh but though my thick denim skirt so no serious damage was done. This time round, damage assessment had me with a swollen right wrist (why? why always my right hand??) with deep teeth marks and it is starting to hurt like hell though i didn't feel anything when it happened. I suspect the whole thing will turn purple soon.

I got bitten while trying to stop him from hitting his head (very hard) with his two hands and he was also starting to bang his head on another child. Not being new to the job, i did try to take the necessary precautions like stopping him from behind instead of the front (more target area will present itself you see) but i didn't realized that he was much stronger than some of the other children that i had and feeling extremely frustrated at that moment (that always lends more strength to the child) so he bit me while i was trying to pin his two hands down from hurting himself and then he refused to let go. I didn't feel anything at the moment though the teacher was rather shocked. It was tough getting to child to let go of my wrist when he was biting down with all his strength and frustration, and i had to press down on his lower jaw and telling him firmly to stop it, before he let go. The teacher tried to help but it was also quite difficult for him because i was stuck in a rather confined space with the child. Ah I guess that's what you call occupational hazard?

Wrestling children to stop them from hurting themselves, others (myself included), and destroying property is part of the job i guess, though i am thankful it is not a daily occurance since the main point of professional help is to stop such episodes from occuring in the first place. But, there are unforeseenable instances like this one occasionally. Still, nothing a little antiseptic cream and plaster doesn't fix. *grins*